Wow, I’m grateful for the improvement since I last blogged. I did three things that really helped pull me out of that downward spiritual spiral we all can fall into: I put additional intentionality back in place to stay connected better (got my watch beeping to remind me, and when I felt stressed I slowed down to talk it over with the Lord), and more importantly I set aside extended time for solitude and decompression last weekend. It’s amazing how three hours of hiking or sitting quietly with no noise, just talking things over with God, can clear out the fog and bring back the light of hope.

Another thing I found helped is I went back to meditating on God’s Word. I had been reading a book that I got so caught up in, I started to slack in my nightly ritual of reading and meditating on the words of Scripture. I started back, and it reminded me again of how God’s Spirit uses his Word to guide and instruct and reveal things to us. There’s a reminder Paul gives to the church in Corinth about the purpose of the stories of faith and failure and God’s will and ways written down in Scripture: “These things happened to them as examples for us. They were written down to warn us who live at the end of the age. If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” (1 Corinthians 10:11-13)

I find that this simple practice of reading through a 365-day Bible (one that gives a passage from the Old Testament, New Testament and Psalms or Proverbs each day that gets you through the Bible in a year) helps me immensely. It’s all in the attitude with which you approach it. I try to read with the intent of listening to God’s Spirit as I reflect on an Old Testament story (what does this teach me about You Lord, or about people like me?), or the words of Jesus or the instruction given to first century churches (what do You want me to know, see, or do with this, Lord?) Holding up what I’m reading like a mirror through which to reflect on my own life, asking God’s Spirit to teach me and meet with me as I ponder what I read, letting it turn into a free flowing conversation…this has been a practice God has used to lead and guide me in very helpful ways. It’s not always a warm-fuzzy, electric experience—sometimes it’s just simply realizing or learning something I didn’t know, sometimes it’s asking God questions that still puzzle me, sometimes there is that “ah-ha” spark of realization that enlightens and leads me to a better place.

The 60-60 Experiment is over for Gateway. I warned our church that when you’ve focused on growing spiritually in an intense way for 60 days like this, there will be a tendency to “let down” and just revert back to old ways. So I challenged them to be aware and not go back! Even though I’ve practiced staying connected to God for years, and it has become more of a habit without needing the watch beeping, I still went through a spiritual letdown the past few weeks.

I was talking to my Spiritual Running Partners about it yesterday and one of them said something that made a lot of sense. He said, “If Jesus’ life teaches us about what to expect, after a season of great spiritual victory, we should expect increased temptation. And right before God does a great work through us, we should expect increased temptation and spiritual struggle.” I thought about that–Jesus was baptized, marking the beginning of his public ministry, and what followed? Forty days of temptation in the desert! Right before Jesus’ greatest spiritual accomplishment—paying for the debts of all humanity on the cross—he was tempted in the garden of Gethsemane to take the easy way out.

So I’ve experienced what I’ll bet many of you have experienced. After a season of seeing God’s presence and power in my life in some wonderful, life-giving ways, I find myself feeling weak and tempted and attacked. But I don’t want to just give in to it, because I know that when I live my life disconnected from the Source of Life my soul drains dry. Even this week, I’ve found myself tense and stressed in ways I haven’t felt in years. I found myself impatient and saying things at times I had to go apologize for afterwards, all because I’m not staying connected. So today, I’m relying on God’s loving forgiveness. I’m not soaking in my failure, I’m moving forward with His Spirit, and I’m fighting against the lies that tell me what a loser God thinks I am—I know where that comes from.

So, I’m setting my watch to beep again…’cause I don’t want to go back!

You know, some days it’s easy to know God is with you and life is good, other days are just hard. Today I woke up feeling like someone hit me in the face with a 2×4 (Mondays can often feel that way after a long Sunday). I am supposed to be “off work” but had people waiting on things I’d promised, so I spent the morning trying to get it all done. I told my son last week that we’d spend today having fun together at the skate park, but I think I broke my toe messing around with him on Saturday, so that’s out. I found myself just feeling grumpy and in a bad mood. Every interaction with people (even those I love) created irritation within me (and the voice in my head pointed out why my irritated feelings were their fault!).

To make it worse, I haven’t even wanted to acknowledge God’s presence or talk to Him at all, and I don’t know why. I don’t even want to write about this, but it’s how Doing Life with God really works. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s all the energy I can muster to overcome my pride to say, “Help me, Lord…I’m stuck.”

So that’s what I’ve been doing all morning. Before I speak, I’ve said, “Help me God or I’m gonna act unloving.” When I’m feeling my pity party cranking up inside, I’ve said, “God, take this away—I don’t want to give in to it.” It’s an act of will, against my feelings. And the feelings don’t necessarily change.

So now, hours later, I’m sitting out on a grassy hillside at the skate park. It’s afternoon, and somehow my attitude has shifted. I’ve noticed that slowly I’ve started feeling better—even able to be thankful. God did help me, though I didn’t “feel it.” Somehow God uses music to lift my soul (I let the music point my thoughts God-ward, that’s worship and any music that is true can do it). Watching my son and thanking God for him is part of it. I also noticed a group of kids who came to the skate park for a field trip, some in wheelchairs, some mentally challenged, some blind. It’s all relative, isn’t it? We all have our challenges, we all struggle, some in more ways than others, but we all desperately need God’s restoration.

I thought about my wife, and how she struggled with chronic pain for the first fifteen years of our marriage, yet she somehow acted incredibly loving and kind, caring about others despite having a great “excuse” to be otherwise. I think about how spiritually challenged some of these very capable guys at the skate park are due to the psychological and spiritual trauma they’ve experienced growing up (because I know some of them now). I have my own spiritual challenges that now seem very small and insignificant, but I need God nevertheless, every minute of every day…even to lift me out of a funk so that I can act loving instead of grumpy towards the ones I love most.

I just finished the best novel! My son and I have been reading The Waymaker, by Michael Warden. If you like novels in the genre of Lord of the Rings or the fictional works of C.S. Lewis, you’ll love this! (Though The Waymaker blends real world wrestling into a fantasy novel much more concretely than other fantasy novels). Sometimes having an imaginary world to get lost in can not only be entertaining, but spiritually encouraging as well. The Waymaker is both! It is part two of a trilogy about Gideon Dawning, a lost soul running from past demons, who finds himself thrust into a world where two languages of power are pitted against each other in a fight for survival. Slowly he discovers the courage to embrace a new purpose, long foretold by the prophets of this parallel universe. The Waymaker can stand on its own, but I would suggest reading Gideon’s Dawn first, also a page turner once you get into it (I recall you have to get through the first 50-60 pages before Gideon’s tragic life finds the beginning of redemption in the discovery of this new world). I can’t wait for the third novel, due to be released sometime in 2009.