Wow, I had such a great week with the Lord. Even in the midst of deadlines and stresses, I found myself experiencing more than just a peace—experiencing “remaining in His love.”  It really turns otherwise anxious, stress-filled days into great days. I had a day that otherwise would have tanked me, but it turned out wonderful. Then I find when I’m “off” (like this weekend), I get lazy and so quickly disconnect and forget everything! I then easily slip into a funk—feeling bored, or discontent, or anxious and missing moments with my family and friends.

I was reading some of the writings of Lawrence, this 17th Century guy who was a soldier in the French army and then a hospital cook most of his life. But he was known most for his character and the way he “practiced the presence of Christ.” Lawrence writes, “Do you know the highest kind of life we can experience? There is no other life in all the world as sweet and as delightful as the life lived in a continual walk with God. Even as I write such a statement I realize that the only ones who can comprehend it are those who have practiced and experienced that unbroken walk with the Lord.”

This is exactly the challenge of it! Unless you really go all out in willingness, not holding anything back, and do so long enough to “taste and see” how good life can get living in God’s will and ways, you’ll just lazily relapse into what you’ve already known and done.  And even when I have tasted something so much better, it’s still really easy to get mentally lazy and slip back into days, weeks or even months, if I let myself, of doing life alone.

It really does take a direct mental effort, but it also makes life and decision-making and everything else incredibly “doable.”  Because all you “have to do” is this One Thing—stay connected and willing, and then you can be sure that you are doing the very best you can to live out the life God created you to live. There’s nothing else you need fret or stress or worry about.  And the experience of many thousands is that “all these other things we worried about really do take care of themselves as we seek first His kingdom will and ways.” (Matthew 6:33)

So even though I woke up feeling lazy, lousy, and disconnected, I’ve decided not to roll with that attitude. Instead I’m gonna catch my mental laziness and even talk that over with the Lord, and seek to keep this mental conversation with the Lord going all day—increasing my willingness to respond as I go. We’ll see how it goes.

I had so many people come up to me recently and say, “I experienced the same thing…such freedom and relief when I finally did a full spiritual inventory, put it all down on paper, confessed it to God and one other person.” But I also know that most people won’t do it out of fear. It takes tremendous courage. I was thinking this morning about why it takes such courage, and why long-time Christians are often unwilling to do this very biblical thing. I think it’s because we subconsciously live our lives playing roles. We play the lead role in our own drama about how to have a fulfilling life, and in order to keep the act going, we have to be a little bit better than, or different than, reality would dictate.

But we don’t just play this role for fun, we are doing it for LIFE—to get the soul satisfaction from knowing we are secure, lovable, valued!  Anything that threatens our character (in the drama) threatens our sense of security, lovability, value! That’s why most of us are stubbornly trying to hang onto the role even if it’s costing us health, relationships, and life itself! We’ve believed the part so fully, we can’t let go of the act to learn to fully be ourselves. But those who have the courage to let themselves face reality (the good and the ugly about themselves) can then live where God lives, because God only lives in reality (truth).

When I did this spiritual inventory this time, I didn’t really think I had any built up residue. I did it more because I was asking everyone else to.  I was shocked when I took an hour and sat quietly before God, asking Him to show me if there’s any junk in the closets He wants me to deal with—I found pages worth to write. There were little resentments that had developed and affected the way I was treating people, there were patterns I was making excuses for in the way I dealt with my family. It’s sobering to be rigorously honest. After I read my list to my Spiritual Running Partner and he did the same, we both had a sense of gratitude for the other person—realizing we’re in it together and we are committed to each other. We asked one another what we learned and what we wanted to do to move forward—it felt very life-giving. There’s something incredibly freeing about living in reality and allowing God and others to meet you there and show you how much you’re worth.

I don’t know why it amazes me so, but it always does. I just heard several stories of what God is doing as people connect and stay willing. A twenty-year old told me last night about his wife who divorced him. They were both coming out of a life of drugging and partying. When they both came to faith, he was more zealous about growing than she was, and he drove her away by being critical and demanding.

During the 60-60, he sensed that instead of giving up on his marriage (which he had done), he needed to pursue her–but not to change her–to love her as God does. He told me that in the past month, she as seen such a change that she doesn’t go 12 hours without calling him now (they weren’t talking before that). She says she still doesn’t want to be married, but she wants to be his friend for life (he said that alone is a miraculous change, and he’s praying for a full re-uniting one day).  Then he told me that his parents, who have never had an interest in faith, have been coming to Gateway and doing the 60-60 and he thinks his father has found faith!

I keep hearing such amazing things that the Lord is doing. At the same time, this is stirring up a lot of pain and emotional junk for a lot of people. When you’ve lived for years running and hiding in order to not face old painful junk you’ve been dragging with you through life, often the first thing the Lord wants to do is set you free from it—that stirs up a lot of fear and angst.

Jesus once encountered a man blind from birth and asked him what seems to us like a silly question: “What do you want me to do for you?” When being blind has been all you’ve known (and it’s even become your identity), and Jesus comes along and asks, “What do you want me to do for you?” Some of us out of fear say, “Leave me alone—I’m afraid to get better. How will I survive? I’ve never done anything but beg. If I get better, how will I eat? Who will I be with eyes that see?” You have to overcome your fear with trust. You have to focus on God, not on your fear of that which you don’t know. Let go (you don’t have as much to lose as you think), and let God show you what you have to gain!

I’ll never forget a quote by a guy who joined Gateway’s recovery group. He had just found faith earlier that year and had been growing to experience this moment by moment life with God. When asked what he hoped to get out of the group, he said, “I’m here because this thing I’m experiencing with God right now is so good, I just don’t want to do anything to screw it up!”

Too often we focus on “not doing” this or that—it doesn’t work. The more long-term successful approach is to focus on staying connected and responsive to God, and when we stick with it long enough, we start to experience something better that replaces the old behavior until it’s not such a struggle. Paul put it this way, “Walk by the Spirit, and you won’t carry out the desires of the [old nature].” Galatians 5:16   Frank Laubach, who I’ve told the history of in my last post, wrote this in his journal after the first five months of seeking moment by moment life with God:

“Oh, this thing of keeping in constant touch with God, of making Him the object of my thought and the companion of my conversations, is the most amazing thing I ever ran across. It is working. I cannot do it even half of a day – not yet, but I believe I shall be doing it some day for the entire day. It is a matter of acquiring a new habit of thought. Now I like the Lord’s presence so much that when for a half hour or so He slips out of mind – as He does many times a day – I feel as though I deserted Him, and as though I had lost something very precious in my life.” – Frank Laubach, May 14, 1930

I can now believe him, but this was not always the case for me. For many years, my spiritual life felt dutiful. I would say it was the right way to live, or a good way to live, but not amazing, life-giving, exciting, thrilling, fulfilling like nothing else. Now I can say that because that’s been my experience as I’ve stayed more and more connected in a daily, hourly, sometimes even moment to moment way. When we learn to stay connected and responsive, sin begins to lose its appeal. We sin (go against God’s will or ways) because we think it will get us something we want or need, but the more you stay connected and experience the fulfilling inner life God’s Spirit produces, you selfishly don’t want to sin because you don’t want to ruin something much better with something less satisfying. That’s when lasting change takes root.

As I wrote in Soul Revolution, Frank Laubach was an amazing man. He lived in relative obscurity until about age 46, when he decided to try to line up his will with the will of God every 15 to 30 minutes during the day. What he began to experience made him decide to try an even more radical experiment—seeking to fill every minute with the thought of God in complete surrender to his will. Forty years later, when Laubach passed into eternity, he was one of the most widely known, best loved men of the twentieth century. God had led him on a wild ride of faith. He started the Each One Teach One literacy campaign he had taken to nearly every land on earth. He had written fifty books, consulted dignitaries and Presidents worldwide. He lived a truly remarkable life, but it all traced back to his discovery of life found by practicing the presence of the living God.

I’ve found some great lessons reading his journals because we can so easily miss what Jesus meant by “abiding in Him,” “remaining in His love,” “walking in the Spirit.” Laubach confesses, “Perhaps a man who has been an ordained minister since 1914 ought to be ashamed to confess that he never before felt the joy of complete hourly, minute by minute – now what should I call it – more than surrender. I had that before. More than listening to God. I tried that before. I cannot find the word that will mean to you and to me what I am now experiencing. It is a will act…I determine not to get out of bed [in the morning] until my mind is set [on willingness].”

This willingness is the key! Willing and wanting for God to be actively guiding my life. Of course, what keeps this from happening is a plethora of little things. My mind so quickly gets filled with all the things I “must do” or I’m “supposed to do” or I want to do that I feel I don’t have time to even consider God’s will in the whole operation. Which of course is so ludicrous–that I would have more important things to do than the will of the One who created me!  That anything I dream up could be more important (or more fulfilling—which is a more dastardly lie than the first) than anything God would will for me! But that’s the battle we must fight in our busy little minds.

What Laubach experienced with greater willingness and responsiveness is what I’ve personally experienced. The life He leads you into is so much better than anything that came before—it’s not worth comparing! Laubach describes it: “As for me, I never lived. I was half dead. I was a rotting tree until I reached the place where I wholly, with total honesty, resolved that I would find God’s will and I would do that will though every fiber in me said no, and I would win the battle in my thoughts. It was though some deep artesian well had been struck in my soul of souls and strength came forth.”

I’m flying back from Chicago after speaking about this Soul Revolution Experiment. I’ve been thinking about how impossible it feels to adequately explain what I’ve personally experienced—words just don’t cut it. I find I can’t even adequately explain it to my kids. Life moment by moment with God is so much better than anything else I’ve experienced. And yet, I still fail at it more than I get it right. But when I do get it right—it’s wonderful!

What motivated me to try to get people doing the 60-60 experiment is my own experience. Personally, I stumbled upon it while teaching the biblical basis of the 12 Steps. Step 3 is all about turning my will over to do the will of God only! The way it’s lived out is one moment at a time, praying for God’s will to be done instead of my will be done. I thought about how rigorous this practice of full surrender is, and how most Christians I know do not live that way because we’re not taught that’s how you should live. But that’s exactly how Jesus lived, “my food is to do the will of my father.” (John 4:34) “I do only what I see the Father doing.” (John 5:19)

So I decided to try it. As I taught on the biblical underpinnings of the Steps, I began to surrender my will and ways, and I instead started seeking God’s will and ways as often as I could remember throughout the day. It was on the backside of a very discouraging time when nothing was going my way. What I began to experience by continuing to turn my will over to doing God’s will was so fantastic; it really is difficult to explain. It’s difficult to explain because it’s internal and every word grasping to describe it feels cliché—joy, peace, a new sense of aliveness (why not make up a word!?). But the more I stayed connected and willing to do God’s will, the more I enjoyed every aspect of my life. The deeper I experienced love for my wife and kids, the more peace I experienced in the stresses of daily deadlines, decisions, and even disasters. The more willing I became, the more I experienced God trusting me with more of His work in the world, so this sense of being a business partner in a Kingdom enterprise grew. I felt more alive, less afraid, more wanting to bless others, less frustrated by them. And it’s not like this was a constant experience, but the better I got at staying connected and willing, the more consistently I experienced this eternal quality of life growing within.

The first time I challenged our church to do this was in 2002 (that time it was the 30-30). After we did this, I had someone tell me about a book called Practicing His Presence. It’s the journal of two men who learned and practiced this very moment by moment responsiveness to the God who is with us. Brother Lawrence lived in France in the 1600s, Frank Laubach lived in the early 1900s, but as I read their journals I kept thinking “Wow—this is describing a lot of what I’ve experienced.” So this is nothing new, many have experienced it throughout the ages. In the next few blogs, I’ll share some insights from these men that have helped me.

It was so cool to hear the story of a middle school girl, who was concerned she might get in trouble for the watch beeping during class. She went for it anyway and discovered four of her teachers are also doing the 60-60 Experiment!

One thing I find as the weeks roll on is that the watch beep can develop another kind of habit—instinctively shutting it off and not doing much more than that! It just becomes a beepin’ annoyance. When I start to notice this, I have to shift how I’m responding when it beeps. Recently, I’m trying to take a minute or two to reflect on the past hour and pray for the next hour. Sometimes I need to practice gratitude with every beep. I find I need to adjust how I respond to the beepin’ watch along the way.

The ultimate goal is that we’re learning to stay open to God every moment of the day, talking over every thought, every sin, every celebration, every worry, every work project, every interaction so we stay experiencing His love and grace, and become more able to receive His guidance between the beeps. So when the beep is not serving to reorient me toward this, I have to remember the beep is NOT the point, every 60 minutes is NOT the point—these are just training wheels to help me learn to ride the bike more naturally!

As you do this experiment, don’t miss the point. Find ways to adapt and adjust so that you experience growing conversation and connection with the God who says his desire is that you “remain in His love” throughout the day.  “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” John 15:9

Have you ever monitored how you keep this running conversation going with yourself most of the day (or is that just me?). Do you talk to yourself about what you need to get done, do you talk to yourself about how you feel about someone, do you talk to yourself to make sure you remember important things, do you talk to yourself about your anxieties, do you talk yourself into a frenzy with worries about the future, do you talk to yourself about plans, strategies, dreams? There’s this ongoing conversation most of us have with ourselves throughout the day.

Here’s the “ah-ha” moment I realized: “I can either include God in that conversation or I can leave Him out.” What I choose makes a huge difference! My old way just leaves me pondering my thoughts alone. This new way we’re learning with the 60-60 allows me to hear and consider a new perspective (a bigger, wiser One maybe?). I’ve found this makes a huge difference for me.

So the goal is moment by moment connection to God’s Spirit, the beeps are just reminders. But your thoughts, worries, “to do lists,” meetings, deadlines, irritations, can all be great reminders as well.

Old way: I have the internal conversation, “Oh, man I’ve got so much to do in one hour, how am I going to get it all done?”
New way: “Lord, I’m starting to stress about all I have to do this hour, calm me down so I can think clearly. What do You think is most important? How should I approach this?” You let Him in on your thoughts and you open yourself to His influence.

Old way: “If these kids whine or fight one more time, I’m gonna….”
New way: “Lord, my kids are driving me crazy constantly whining and fighting, what should I do? Help me stay calm and know how to lead them out of this. How can I teach them Your ways through this—help me.”  You open yourself up to new thoughts and new possibilities, rather than just reacting according to your old nature.

You get the idea. Instead of just talking to yourself, try directing the conversation toward the One who said, “I am always with you…Cast all your cares on me because I care for you.” (Matthew 28:20, 1 Peter 5:7)

I know for many people, doing the 60-60 can be both exhilarating and frustrating all at the same time. The reality is that the exercise of seeking constant mental connection to God’s Spirit and maintaining a willing spirit is strenuous—it does not come naturally because we’ve been trained most of our lives to live independent from God (even if we’ve been professing believers the whole time). This is why we need training. But reality is a back and forth struggle sometimes. Let me tell you about my Monday.

After a full day of work, my wife called to see if we could do something fun since the kids were off for Columbus Day. We decided to go out to the lake to eat and watch the sunset. I was feeling tired from Sunday, and the beeps throughout my day became more background noise than reminders. At 5pm I left work and stopped by a mechanic friend’s house to get him to check out my wife’s car—the engine light came on the day before. It took longer than expected because he said it could be the clutch, but he said driving it should be no problem.

I met them at the lake at 6pm, and as we ate Chinese food from our picnic table, looking over the beauty of Lake Travis, I noticed I wasn’t really present. Everything was wonderful, my wife and two kids and their two friends were all laughing and enjoying each other, we were surrounded by a beautiful sunset on one side and a full moon rising on the other—but I was not there! My watch beeped, and I realized I was missing the moment—hydroplaning over it in my mind. Kathy left the drinks in the car, so I volunteered to get them and made an effort to walk slowly and thank God for the beauty and my family. When I came back, my experience of the moment shifted and I began to enjoy it.

As we were driving back, I drove Kathy’s car (fortunately) because the clutch went out at the top of a steep incline—I coasted into a parking lot. Kathy followed me into the parking lot, and we spent about an hour on the phone with towing services and mechanics as the kids all found a way to enjoy the detour. I however, was getting frustrated and irritated more and more. This was not how I wanted the night to end, sitting alone in a parking lot waiting for a tow truck, knowing  a huge auto bill was about to slap us in the face. Kathy said, “Let’s go to Walgreens and get candy!” My first thought was sour, “No, this is supposed to be a miserable experience, don’t try to change it.” My watch didn’t beep, but I caught myself. “Lord, why am I not willing to try to make something fun out of this?” As I asked Him to change my attitude, I began to experience this frustrating situation with more patience.  But it required a mental choice.

We finally got home around 9:30.  My son had been waiting all day for me to help him with some recording software I bought him so we could have fun recording music together. As I was helping him and the software was not obeying my will, I noticed how easily I was expressing irritation toward my son. Even though several times that evening, God had rearranged my bad attitude and made something good out it, I defaulted back to irritable and impatient—for no real reason. After catching myself screwing up again, I opened my mind to the Lord: “Lord, what’s wrong with me? I bought this software so Justin and I could enjoy it together and I’m letting my irritation push him away from me. Help me.” As I submitted my will to God’s will, I sensed I needed to put my hand on Justin’s shoulder and just silently start thanking God for my son. As I did, my irritation calmed down. Though we didn’t get it fixed that night, we ended the night laying in his bed reading a novel we’ve been enjoying together, and I found myself filled with gratitude rather than filled with frustration and irritation.

That’s a typical day—back and forth—one minute connected and responsive, the next minute I default into old ways and find myself out of God’s will. That’s why I cling to the promise of 1 John 1:8-2:3:

8 If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. 9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts. 1 My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous. 2 He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins—and not only our sins but the sins of all the world.

Thank God he is like a loving, patient parent (unlike me). He teaches us to walk. As toddlers, when we fall, he picks us up and helps us keep trying—two more steps and another fall—but soon we start to walk across the room. This is how confession works—when we fall down (go our way instead of his), we admit it and reach out for his hand to pick us up and help steady us to walk forward with him again.

I’ve always been a doer—type A, driven, high achiever. I remember how He first broke through to me at a very stress-filled, anxious time in my life. It was the first time I attempted solitude. I had ridden my bike up into the mountains above Santa Barbara. I stopped in a canyon and decided I would stay until the Lord helped me truly de-stress (I gave him 3 hours). I prayed through all my worries several times, and then ran out of things to talk about. As I was hiking and telling him I wanted to hear whatever he wanted to tell me, I noticed two hawks soaring in the canyon. I found myself fixated on watching them, wondering what they were hunting. Then I noticed one dive and swerve, and the other dove and chased it. They kept doing this until I realized…they’re playing. As I said “they’re playing,” I had the strong thought, “I made them that way—they can enjoy life in Me.  And I want you to learn to enjoy life in Me.”

I had never considered that thought before—that God enjoys my enjoyment of the life He’s given me when I enjoy it with Him. Being the type-A driver, I just figured God was like that (stupid thought—that God is like me!). I pictured Him always tapping his foot when I enjoyed anything, wondering when I was going to quit screwing around and get back to being productive. That day He changed my mind. I realized our Creator gave us the ability to play, to make up games like football and soccer that test our skill and endurance, to surf waves, to create art and music. There would be no such thing as “fun” or “excitement” or “adventure” or “enjoyment” if He hadn’t created us to experience it!  Wow—it was such a freeing thought, and it has since changed my enjoyment of life with God.

Recently on my day off, my eleven-year-old son and I went to a skate park (with vertical walls and concrete bowls and all that). I looked like an idiot this summer, re-learning how to skateboard with all these pre-adolescent kids, but I did it! You know why? Because I want to enjoy life with my son. I love to enjoy him trying new things and conquering his fears, and it’s even more fun when we do it together. I enter into his world because I love enjoying life with him. And I’m not a better father than our Heavenly Father! So even as I was skating today, I was thanking God that I could even enjoy skating at my age, and especially that I hadn’t broken anything yet! And I sensed His pleasure that I’m never too old to enjoy the thrill of life with Him. I find I enjoy it more when I enjoy it with Him.  Go find something you love to do this week, but don’t enjoy it alone—enjoy it with your Heavenly Father! Thank Him that He gave you that ability to enjoy His good gifts.